Confucius reminds us: “If you think in terms of a year, plant a seed; if in terms of ten years plant trees; if in terms of one hundred years, teach the people.”
Have you ever been too grumpy to write? Have you ever been seething – so much so it has clouded your vision? Have you be so disappointed in your current state of affairs that you fee so bloody minded in your pursuit of anger? When do we stop banging our heads against a brick wall? Why do we continue until our brains are mush? Stop!!!
It’s day 17 on my detox and my weight has not dropped for two weeks – disappointment city. I feel let down and I feel cheated by my own body.
An old would is gaping in my soul and I feel all I am offered is salt to rub in. I feel battered and bruised by my current situation – however, I can’t help but blame myself for my role in this violent relationship. I am not being abused physically of course; it is directed emotionally and spiritually. My participation is that I am still allowing it to happen.
It’s a 10/1 day – endings and beginnings and it is time to stop this abusive love affair. I must rescue any remnants of my self esteem and move on. There is no other alternative. When your pleas fall on deaf ears and sign language does not work then give them the final sign and hit the highway and don’t come back no more, no more.
The Tower represents the lightning bolts out of the blue; the constant barrage of slights and toxic javelins.
Judgement is rebirth loud and strong – step away from the oppression and float with the Angels toward salvation.
The Magician taunts me with his promise of infinity; the upside down number eight beckons me toward destinations unknown. It’s a brave new world out there Julia, don’t be thwarted by the condemnation of others.
The wheel of fortune braces me in a crash position – ready for the fall out of recriminations of the past – it’s not up to you to change others it’s up to you to survive.
Yoda’s wise words echo in my conscious mind – “Try not. Do or do not. there is no try!” The stage is set, to teach by doing rather than the circular arguments and declarations of worthiness.
Peace and Love,
Julia Ashton-Sayers
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